2018 Milestone: The $400 Bad Romance Novel

I knew this was going to be bad, I just didn't realize HOW bad.

In an effort to make sure I didn't read something overtly trashy (I'm raising funds for a children's charity, after all), I thought I could pick something normal-sounding from a selection of teen romance novels. This was a mistake. I'll preface the rest of this blog entry by saying that some people may actually enjoy the book. I was not one of those people.

The Book

The title of my ire in this entry is "That Boy" by Jillian Dodd. Out of respect for the effort it takes to write and publish a novel, I won't be putting any of that information in my blog tags lest this be taken for a smear of the work. It's not intended to be that at all -- I just don't like romance novels, hence why it was on the list of incentives for Extra Life last year!

The Plot (More or Less)

This book starts off in a small town outside of Omaha, Nebraska. A girl (who we don't even get the name of until a few chapters into her first-person narrative) named JJ grows up being an adorable little tomboy next door to a boy named Phillip who kisses her on the playground one day. Things are going swimmingly until another boy, named Danny, moves in and threatens to take Phillip away from her because he insists the usual stereotypes that girls are dumb and can't play boys' sports, like football. JJ promptly gets a pep talk from her dad, and she ends up decking Danny in the face. He lets her play with them after all and they become a trio of little friends.

The book follows JJ's life closely up through her senior year of high school for the first several chapters. She's vain, shallow, and can only think about boys and playing sports, but somehow maintains a strange friendship with both Danny and Phillip. The gist here is that we're supposed to be mentally keeping a tally sheet to figure out which of these boys she's going to end up with, because the very start of the book has a grown JJ fuming about the timing of their proposal. Starting in medias res? Check.

I was actually somewhat entertained by the first few chapters of the book because it very accurately describes what it's like to be a child in grade school and how interactions with classmates can make or break your school life from then on. The parent-child dynamic is painted very well also.

Dodd lost me when JJ got all worked up about a boy-girl party for her friend, and being anxious about spin the bottle and playing seven minutes in heaven. I was that book nerd who didn't get invited to parties like that, and I was happy with that arrangement. The few boys I had crushes on growing up never reciprocated, and I resigned myself to having to find a relationship outside of the small town I grew up in. So I did not understand why JJ was obsessed with "hunting" her local crop she'd known all her life. Not only did it paint her as hormonal and desperate, but I stopped caring about her as a character. I feel like a leading female character with more depth, and deeper interests beyond boys and football, would have made me want to see her happy with 'That Boy.'

Without giving away too much of the plot (no spoilers here, just in case someone's actually interested), there is tragedy that forces JJ to grow up a little faster than most. She ends up living in a house with both boys while attending college. One goes on to football stardom and a happy marriage. The other tries to hook up with JJ and there is a critical communication failure because (surprise, surprise) JJ's bad life decisions lead her to get drunk and flirt with someone else.

She has a pity party for a while, then moves on. They eventually reconnect thanks to the meddling of his mother, and then BAM... he proposes. Deus ex machina? Also check.

If you really want to find out which boy JJ ends up with, feel free to read it. There are even more books in this little series: "That Wedding," "That Baby," "That Divorce," and "That Ring." Not even joking. (If it makes you feel any better, I didn't spend any money on the first book.)

The Moral of the Story

I still don't like romance novels. It's fine if there is a romance as an underlying theme, or one that is a result of a larger genre/focus at work. It doesn't feel phony or shallow that way. Relationships that develop naturally through a variety of situations make it more meaningful to the characters and the readers. Otherwise it just feels contrived. But that may be my inner nerd talking. I relate more to Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle.

I was smart and did not include a romance novel in the 2019 milestone incentives. However, if you enjoyed knowing I had to suffer this way and want to see me suffer through more for the sake of raising money for Children's Miracle Network Hospitals, please click the image below to visit my donation page!